omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
