im about as happy as oj after his trial
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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