Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
