i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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