4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You really coming over, don't trick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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