Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
