Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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