life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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