I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
