i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
