Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
