stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
