I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
