Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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