I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
