God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
