oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
