His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
