And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
send nudes
from the living room?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
