In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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