Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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