i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
