oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
