I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
