Already got asked if we're dating
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize