were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
