tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
