So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just cropdusted the office
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
