Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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