I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
