Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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