I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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