just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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