But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
