You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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