Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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