I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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