YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
