I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
