He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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