We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
