Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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