I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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