I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
