o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
