Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
