How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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