you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
