He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
