The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
