How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
