im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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