And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
