You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
