dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
