I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
