I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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