I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
