I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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