the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
