We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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