Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
