I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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