He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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