I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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