Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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