I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
