Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Less talking, more tequila
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who died my cat blue again?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
