shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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