dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
