Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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