My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish you could order shots online.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
