Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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