Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
