When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In other news, I just burned my penis
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
