Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Slut skills are useful in every country.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
