I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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