Betty ford says i'm here all night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
