Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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