It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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