I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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