she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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