Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
