We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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