I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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