I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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