Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
