i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
