I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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